Messy Believer

Our lives are and can be a little messy. As we journey in this world, sometimes we just need to walk with someone and realize that life is messy.

I hope that your journey through these pages will inspire you to walk in faith and find the hope you need to know that your not alone in life.

We are built to live in community. We all need a community and that is why we gather in church. In our communities we find our gifts that we can share with others.

The invitation we offer to to enter with others respecting where they are in their journey of faith. Our gift to everyone is grace, the grace God offered us on our own journey.

Our kindness just may be the gift they need at that moment.

Think about your actions and remember that you are God’s blessing.

Let us journey together on this road. I hope you find something that you can share.

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I have a question:

Who has impacted your walk with God?

What would you tell them?

This question came to mind this past Sunday. I think of the verse in Philippians (1:3). It reminds us to thank God every time we remember others. I am aware that those are not the exact words in Philippians, but we do need to thank God every time we remember someone, especially someone who has had an impact upon our faith journey.

I take the time to send a daily devotion. There were days when I failed, and that was when I realized I needed a sabbatical from the daily devotionals. Just because I took a sabbatical from my daily devotions didn’t mean I stopped thinking about those who have had a huge impact on my ministry.

If the disciples had access to the technology we have today, I wonder how many text messages and phone calls they would make? I wonder how many emails they would share?

I wonder how many would be affected by their ministry?

The New Testament, our Christian Scriptures, is filled with texts. Not the kind we send to each other, but maybe we should send a few. In these passages, we should share brief, personal messages with those we know.

I think about the papyrus they used in Biblical times. It has taken centuries to get those messages out. Today’s technology would allow us to share it across the globe in minutes.

Why do I think this matters?

I think of those who shared their faith with me. They shared the joys, the invitations, and even the moments of grief and pain. What they provided me with was an understanding that Grace is never abstract. It often arrives among those we know. They touch our hearts and minds in ways that we often can’t explain.

I think about Rick. He spent forty years mentoring me. It took me many years to realize what he was doing. He wasn’t bombarding me with Scripture; he was present as a friend. We talked about my faith journey. We discussed theological reflection and pondered questions like: What is the world like if…

Rick provided me with small acts of theological honesty about why we are on earth and what we are supposed to do with ourselves. Rick showed me that the journey of faith was not a straight path and that it was okay to explore to know exactly what life’s meaning was for myself.

Rick taught me the importance of presence. His presence with me was his way of love, support, and guidance. He taught me that I was not going to gain faith on my own. He showed me that there are always people who have been placed in your path of discovery.

Rick was diagnosed with cancer. I never got the chance to thank him for his mentorship. But I discovered some important life lessons from him.

I learned that it is important to ask questions. To allow faith to lead your journey. That prayer is what begins the journey. That there are positive things and negative things, so how do you see them in a way that will make your life or the world better?

I learned that not everything negative is bad. That not everything positive is good. Exploring the two leads you to understand something in your life.

Rick’s death reminded me that we need to share more with those around us. I may not be able to share with Rick, but I can with others. I can also encourage others to express their gratitude to those who have impacted their lives.

If there is someone in your life who has shaped your walk with God, the appropriate thing to do is say thank you. Then the next thing you need to know is that you need to become that person for someone else. 2 Timothy reminds us that faithful people will be able to teach others.

Don’t let the chain break. Be thankful. Share your gratitude. Inspire someone. Most of all, thank the people who touched your life and strengthened your faith.
What Does Your Time With God Look Like these Days?

I wonder how you would answer this question.

Do you wake up early, sit with a cup of coffee, and read God’s word?

Do you sit on the porch, listening to the sounds around you while you read God’s word?

Is your time with God a conversation, like any other conversation that you would have with a friend?

Do you read from a daily office?

Time with God is not a one-size-fits-all kind of time. In fact, I am pretty sure many people find different ways to spend their time as they reflect on their time with God.

Then there are those who have tried and failed.

I ask this question. I realize that it is not as simple to answer as one might think. Devotional time is not a priority. If it were, parents would be teaching it to their children and making sure the family was gathered around this time.

I am not sure if we can say that people are spending their time with God in productive ways. Our world is filled with the rush of life. So many are chasing that one dream, and God is not necessarily part of it.

As I think about the many ways we could spend time with God, I think of the cooler days of Oklahoma, where I can sit on the back porch, watch the dogs, and read.

If you haven’t spent time with God lately, maybe I could offer a few suggestions.

I have found that people need something to help guide them as they attempt to spend time with God. Some pick up the Bible and read various chapters.

Some grab the Book of Common Prayer (BCP). The Episcopal Prayer Book offers daily offices, which can guide you in reading Scripture and saying prayers. The BCP also has daily devotions.

Some will grab other resources, such as Forward Day by Day or Our Daily Bread. Others will use an app that will guide them through a daily prayer.

Some take time to sit in silence, drive to work without the radio on, or play an audiobook. Others might take a walk in the neighborhood or go for a run.

If you think about God and your relationship with him, these moments are not judged by their content or duration. There are formal ways to spend time with God. There are informal ways to spend time with God. Neither moment is less spiritual than the other.

I have been discovering that people have been absent from God and from God’s community. When I say God’s community, I mean places of faith. God built us to live in community. When we are absent from a community, we may not feel whole.

Prayer, involvement in a community of faith, Scripture reading, and reading other material help us to connect with God. When I say “other material,” I am not referring to religious books; I am talking about resources that will help us understand God.

Think about the works in the Bible. The Bible contains history, genealogy, wonderful literature, and poems, to name a few. It is a complete library of various works.

If you feel guilty about not being able to have the time for all this, don’t worry. The Bible is filled with people who also struggled to pray, to worship, even to live.

They had doubt; they didn’t always feel it, and there were times when they just wanted to scream and lash out at God for many reasons. I will say it this way: the characters of the Bible discovered joy, experienced grief, got mad, were extremely confused, and, well, just got plain bored with all that was going on in their lives.

God was more interested in you seeking his presence in your life.

Not a polished worship style, but rather a plain human experience requesting God to be in your life. He knows we are not polished in our faith. He knows that we are easily distracted.

After all, we are not the only ones who could fall asleep when God or Jesus was around. The Bible tells us of many who really didn’t get it, or couldn’t grasp it.

These are not failure moments, but moments where God, if we invite him into our lives, can change us. We just have to be willing to start somewhere.

Maybe it is tomorrow when you say, “Lord, this is the time I want you; will you join me, because I need you now?”

Then just have a conversation with God. Tell him your story. Let him know how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, what your day looks like. Maybe you could invite him to walk with you while you live out your calendar or appointments.

My faith tradition has seasons. Some longer than others, but they are color coded so we know which season we are in. Sometimes it’s about joy; at other times, self-reflection and repentance. These seasons help us as we journey within our faith.

Have you ever asked yourself what season of life you are in?

Are you being spiritual?

Are things just emotional?

Are you just being a practical person?

You might even find yourself comparing yourself to those around you. You might know or have a friend or co-worker who is always talking about God. Or they might always be happy. Or they just seem to have a spring in their step.

God may not have created you with all those traits. With that in mind, you’re not doing faith wrong because you’re not all those things you see in others. So don’t feel guilty, and please don’t let anyone else make you feel guilty either.

We need to remember that human nature tends to pull us toward the negative. We can be hard on ourselves. We need to be aware of this fact. Knowing this will help us move forward.

As we discover our faith, I hope that you realize God is inviting you into the relationship. Just like someone would invite you to their home, or to dinner, God invites you to be a part of his life.

It is that invitation that we need to remember. Jesus never talked badly about anyone, even Judas. He had a respectful conversation with Judas even knowing that Judas was going to betray him.

I am pretty sure you wouldn’t have a respectful conversation if someone was going to betray you, and you were told about it.

Jesus has always provided gentle nudges when he was talking to others. The parables were often used to explain God’s ways so people could understand them. It is hard for us to understand all that because the Bible was written for our benefit, not necessarily to us.

Knowing all this, ‘what does your time with God look like now?’

You may not have an answer, but I hope that you are starting to think about having a relationship with God. Take the time to be grateful for what he has provided you and to offer thanks for the blessings you discover daily.

So what could this look like?

You could start with, “God, I am not entirely sure what our time together will look like, or even it I will always be able to make the time, but I am willing to be with you. Will you show me God, how to spend time with you?”

I don’t want you to feel burdened by all this. I am interested in you opening the door by opening your heart to God. Surrendering yourself to his will.

“God, I’m not entirely sure what my time with you looks like anymore. But I want to be with you. Show me how.”

The question is not meant to burden you, but to open a door.

Will you open the door?
A Perspective About Life, Truth & Opinions

I am a lifelong learner seeking knowledge. I have to admit that I often struggle with truth.

Today, it is so hard to find truth. There are sources that intentionally distort the truth.

In John’s Gospel, Pilate asked, “What is truth?”

I wonder that myself. When you watch a political debate, you hear the candidates spout many ‘truths’ about the other candidates. They spout ‘truths’ about themselves.

Who is telling the truth?

We are then tasked with discovering the truth. Are we willing to take the time to evaluate, search, and discover what is actually true?

These thoughts have been stirring since I read an article. The following words caught my attention:

“As the Church, we are called to seek the truth, and to speak the truth, in the Church and in the world around us. To seek the truth by not interpreting everything through ideological and political lenses, jumping to conclusions that fit our biases, but by discerning with care, with prayer, with patient curiosity, and compassion, including listening to those beloved of God with whom we disagree. One of the most pernicious traits in our current day is the leap to conclusions, in any situation, before the facts and background are known. The battle to define the truth begins the moment a controversial event takes place.”

The followers of faith (people) are the church. As people (followers), it is our responsibility to discover the truth.

Then the question becomes, whose truth is it?

Then we have to ask ourselves, can we share this truth?

Will it offend people?

Can we always share what we know as the truth?

Will it help people discover the right path?

We all should take time to discern the truth. Sadly, I believe our world lacks critical thinking skills.

Then I wonder if I am jumping to a conclusion?

I think of this statement about “jumping to conclusions that fit our biases.”

In my career, I have had several jump to conclusions or form opinions about others.

At one time, I was willing to live my work life according to a ‘leader’ within the organization and his opinion of me.

Today, I face the same decision. With little knowledge, there was an assumption, an opinion was formed, and a statement was made. This statement was not a positive statement.

I ruminate on the statement. I reflect on the ‘jumping to conclusions’. Without the proper knowledge or the invested time to discover, one should never make an assumption.

Yes, this is also a reminder for myself.

In a philosophy course, I remember a professor who separated the letters in assume. He was imparting his wisdom based on a student’s response to a question on our test.

Our assumptions often lead to to the wrong answer. The response may have misinformation, lack the full understanding of the situation, and sometimes they give a false description of an individual.

So what sparked all these thoughts?

A dear friend and I have been having a discussion about an issue that brought to light. The concept of leadership.

Leadership is about choosing character over convenience.

One’s integrity shouldn’t be determined by someone’s behavior especially if you jump to a conclusion based on a short visual observation.

If we are a follow of Christ, we are called to serve as Christ served. To be an example of love and grace. We need to extend that love and grace and not make an assumption of someone without taking the time to get acquainted with them. It takes courage to speak to someone you don’t know. It takes courage to take the time to stop and discover.

I say it takes courage. Courage because we are not comfortable with interacting with someone who is different than us.

To be a faithful follower, we must take the steps to discover.

That requires us to humble ourselves.

I think of Bob Chapman’s thought about leadership. I know this is not the exact statement he made, but we are not taught listening skills.

If you want to be heard, listening is the best way to approach that skill.

The loudest voice in the room only gets attention, not respect.

When we listen, we discover things about people we never knew. We must take the time to discover the skills and knowledge of those around us.

When we invest in our listening skills, we will also know when to celebrate others. We will hear them and acknowledge them in ways that they will always remember how they were treated.

Listening allows us to coach with grace and mentor others to help them improve their lives in the world.

Listening keeps us from jumping to conclusions. Listening allows us to discover the facts, research the situations, and gives us the ability to get some background.

There are too many times that decisions and opinions are made from short clips of life. Those short clips can destroy a person or situation. You should never, ever, make a determination about another based on a short clip, or several short clips or experiences.

If you want to be a leader, your role is not to destroy someone’s personality or life by making assumptions.

I spent a lifetime discovering this. What I know, servant leadership is being humble and generous with your thoughts, words, and actions.

When all this comes together, then maybe we will speak the truth.
Maintaining Spirituality in the Midst of the Human Condition: A Reflection for First Responders

For more than three decades, I have walked in the shoes of a first responder. I initially entered the profession seeking life experience and a deeper understanding of the human condition. At the time, I was searching for clarity about my vocational calling and the direction of my life.

From an early age, I sensed a call toward ministry. While attending college courses seeking my bachelor’s degree, I approached an Episcopal priest about this call to ministry.

Over the four years at this university, we had many conversations about life. Some of the conversations were light and others were intellectually deep and spiritual. I believe it was all these conversations that he thought that I was spiritually sincere but still immature.

He was blunt about one conversation and told me that I was a naïve about the realities of the world. He encouraged me to spend time working in a profession that would expose me to real life, human suffering, and the complexities of people. His belief was that such experiences would help shape both my character and my understanding of ministry.

So, I became a police officer.

Over the years, that profession became far more than a career. It became an education in humanity itself. The men and women who also served in this field provided me with something that is hard to describe. Citizens think this is the silent code of protection. It was not that, but something deeper. If you have never experienced the Thin Blue Line, the Thin Red Line, the Thin Gold Line, or the Thin White Line, you’ll never understand the bond these men and women have.

I witnessed courage and cruelty, compassion and violence, faith and despair. I encountered people on the best days of their lives and on the worst moments imaginable. Through those experiences, I not only learned about the world around me, but also about my spirituality. I saw suffering, resilience, and the profound need for hope in the lives of both first responders and the communities they serve.

First responders walk through realities that most people never encounter. They see humanity at its absolute best and its absolute worst. Often these encounters happened within the same hour.

One moment may involve comforting a grieving parent, responding to violence, or witnessing a death. The next may require standing calmly in a convenience store, answering routine questions, or speaking casually with people who have no idea what was seen minutes before.

This emotional and spiritual transition is one of the greatest hidden burdens carried by law enforcement officers, firefighters, paramedics, dispatchers, and chaplains.

While the uniform or badge may identify the profession, it does not shield the human soul from what is repeatedly absorbed over years of service.

The challenge for many first responders is not merely surviving traumatic events, but remaining spiritually grounded while continually moving between tragedy and normalcy.

First responders often live in two parallel worlds.

One world is the public world consisting of ordinary routines of family dinners, conversations with neighbors, school events, and everyday interactions. In this world, most people still believe society is generally safe and predictable.

The second world is the hidden world of emergency response. It is the world of overdoses, suicides, child abuse, fatal crashes, domestic violence, shootings, murder, fires, and human suffering.

First responders know how fragile life truly is because they see the evidence of that fragility daily. Others only experience these things a few times in their life time and never to the degree of a first responder.

The emotional difficulties come from moving constantly between those two realities.

A paramedic may perform CPR on a child and later stop for coffee while strangers discuss sports scores nearby. A police officer may spend hours handling violence and then immediately attend a community event or a local school function. A firefighter may pull victims from destruction and later smile politely through ordinary conversation when a child wants to see the firemen and their truck.

Over time, this emotional whiplash can quietly affect their spirituality, relationships, identity, and mental health.

Human beings were not designed to repeatedly witness trauma without consequence. Even highly trained professionals absorb emotional residue from suffering.

Not all first responders will take the time to reflect on their life and the exposures they experience. Some may begin asking the difficult spiritual questions:

Why do innocent people suffer?

Why does evil seem so common?

Why do some survive while others die?

Where is God during tragedy?

How do I continue believing in goodness after seeing so much darkness?

These questions are not signs of weak faith. They are signs of honest humanity which can lead towards spiritual resilience.

Spirituality in emergency services is not about pretending trauma does not exist. It is about learning how to carry the weight of human suffering without allowing it to destroy one’s compassion, hope, or purpose.

For first responders, spirituality cannot simply be theoretical. It must become intentional, and practical. It is necessary for them to be grounded in life.

Spirituality is not denial of pain. It is the ability to remain centered while standing in pain.

A spiritually grounded first responder understands several truths:

Evil exists, but it does not define all humanity.

Trauma is real, but so is resilience.

Death is present, but so is compassion.

Human cruelty exists, but acts of courage and kindness exist equally.

First responders witness extraordinary goodness that the public rarely sees. They see strangers rush into danger to help others. They see families love each other through devastating circumstances. They see partners risk their lives for one another and those they do not know. They see ordinary citizens become heroes in critical moments.

The same profession that exposes darkness also reveals remarkable light.

One of the greatest spiritual dangers within the first responder community is emotional numbing.

To survive repeated trauma, some responders unconsciously shut down emotionally. Dark humor, emotional distance, cynicism, irritability, or isolation can become protective mechanisms. While these coping tools may temporarily reduce pain, they can also slowly disconnect a person from empathy, relationships, and spirituality.

A first responder may still function professionally while internally becoming exhausted, detached, or spiritually empty.

Spiritual health requires intentional reconnection with their faith and faith practices.

That reconnection must involve:

Prayer

Meditation

Quiet reflection

Time in nature

Conversations with trusted peers

Counseling

Worship

Journaling

Chaplain support

Reading sacred texts

Practicing gratitude

Honest emotional processing

Spirituality is strengthened not by suppressing emotions, but by acknowledging them honestly.

Many first responders often feel isolated because few people truly understand their experiences. Family and friends may care deeply but still struggle to comprehend the emotional realities of the job.

This is why a spiritual community matters.

Healthy peer support, chaplain programs, faith communities, and trusted friendships provide places where responders can speak honestly without fear of judgment. Isolation magnifies emotional injury. Community helps carry it.

Even the strongest first responder was never meant to carry the burdens they experience alone.

One of the hardest lessons for first responders is learning the difference between compassion and ownership.

Compassion means caring deeply for people. Ownership means carrying responsibility for every tragedy encountered.

As a first responder, you can’t save everyone. You can’t undo every traumatic event. You can’t change every broken situation.

Spiritual maturity involves recognizing human limits while still serving faithfully and compassionately.

A first responder’s role is often not to fix every problem, but to bring professionalism, dignity, calmness, protection, and compassion into moments of chaos.

Sometimes the greatest act of service is simply being present during another person’s worst moment.

Without the ability to be spiritual grounded, their work can slowly become defined only by stress, paperwork, conflict, and trauma. Over time, they may forget why they entered the profession in the first place.

Spiritual reflection helps restore meaning.

Many first responders entered their profession because they wanted to help others, serve their community, protect life, and stand between danger and the innocent.

The first responder, after seeing many conflicts and disturbances and believe they are to bring order to the chaos they witness.

Those values matter deeply. Purpose becomes a stabilizing force when trauma threatens emotional exhaustion.

A first responder knows better than most people how broken the world can be. Yet many also become witnesses to extraordinary resilience.

They see people survive overwhelming tragedy. They see communities unite after disaster. They see forgiveness after violence. They see courage in suffering. They see life continue after loss.

Spirituality does not remove exposure to darkness. It provides the strength to continue walking through darkness without becoming consumed by it.

I think about my journey, I have come to realize that the human condition contains beauty and brutality, compassion and cruelty, hope and suffering. I, along with many colleagues have been standing at the intersection of all of it.

To serve in that environment requires more than physical endurance or professional training. It requires spiritual resilience.

Maintaining spirituality is not weakness. It is maintenance of the soul.

Just as emergency vehicles require fuel, maintenance, and repair after miles, first responders also require restoration after difficult calls.

A spiritually healthy responder is not someone untouched by trauma, but someone who continues seeking meaning, compassion, balance, and hope despite repeated exposure to humanity’s hardest moments.

In many ways, spirituality becomes the quiet foundation that allows first responders to continue serving others while still remaining human themselves.
Do You Have 8 Minutes?

I feel the need to repost this article. A week ago Sunday, I wish someone had asked for 8 minutes. Instead, a choice was made that has affected many lives.

8 minutes is a code for, “I need you” or “Are you available?”

8 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot of time.

If you can give someone 8 minutes, you can change a life.

We all struggle in this career of Law Enforcement. And really, you don’t have to be a law enforcement officer, and you can still struggle with all the pressures of this world.

When you need help, it is hard to ask for help. LEO’s have a hard time asking for help.

So take the time and ask, “Do you have 8 minutes?”

8 minutes can change a person’s life.

This is code for “I need a friend.”

Do you have 8 minutes? This code can allow you to ask for help, without asking for help.

8 Minutes has proven to be the most effective time you can share with someone.

8 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot of time, but if you find your self in need, ask, “Do you have 8 minutes?”

If you receive a text that says, “Do you have 8 minutes?”

Stop and answer the text, “Yes, I have 8 minutes. then call the person who is asking.”

Even 8 minutes on the phone can change the dynamics of what is going on in their life. They may need to get something off their chest. Or just talk to someone for 8 minutes.

The power of love is shared within 8 minutes and in those 8 minutes, you may save someone who is on the verge of disaster and just need someone to talk with.

So if you need help, ask for 8 MINUTES!!

So if you need help, ask for 8 MINUTES!!