Messy Believer

I have had this blog for some time now. I have often wonder what I could do with it.

As a messy believer of Christ Jesus, I have been on a long road trying to discover my place in the faithful community of Christ Jesus.

Sometimes, I feel like one of the guys on the road to Emmaus. Disappointed on how things turned out.

My thoughts have often made me wonder what it would be like to discover Jesus in that moment.

These two guys may have thought that Jesus was going to be their savior of the kingdom. A political figure who was going to take over the world and be the king they understood.

When Jesus came to them, they didn’t see the person that he was. They couldn’t believe that this guy they began walking with had no idea of the events that just occurred. They were oblivious.

I wonder if I am oblivious too?

Have I been walking with Jesus and didn’t realize it?

Did I miss something because I might lack understanding?

In my faith, my hope is that Jesus is walking beside me every day. I just may not realize that he is revealing himself to me.

One thing I know, over the years people have pointed out that I am one of those persons who is a faithful follower. Even in my doubts, I am doing what Jesus Christ has asked of me.

To love God with all my heart, my soul, and my mind. Yeah the Bible is more detailed than my statement, but you get the point.

The next thing I am to do is to love my neighbor. Sometimes this is a struggle for me. I am always wondering if I am doing this part right.

It’s not because I don’t know my neighbor, I think I understand that part. But I struggle with the former boss who has said some ‘not so nice things’ to others about me. And yet, in front of me he tries to be my friend. Although I have learned that behind me, well the not so nice things come out.

I struggle with the person who lacks respect for others, as well as themselves. I struggle with those who rather steal than work for an honest wage.

I struggle with those who won’t give a person the chance to change themselves. I struggle with the person who won’t change and will hang onto their addiction. I struggle with those who treat the janitor differently than the CEO.

I struggle with myself with all these things.

I work hard at thanking the janitor. I hope I thank the CEO too (although I may not run into enough of them to thank them).

I realize that I have some work to do.

I need to work on being a loving husband. It’s not that I don’t love my wife, she is the cornerstone. But do I show her the appreciation and love she deserves?

I need to be a better father. The girls in my life are the absolute best. All five of them have a heart of gold. But could I be a better example of what a dad is? What a man is? Do I show them the love they need to have?

This past week I came home to a super excited English Shepherd. The enthusiasm he show me told me that he loves me and missed me while so was gone. He made a noise, he wagged his tail, he tried jumping up into my arms. He kept circling in front of me (you seen those videos of affectionate dogs). It was wonderful to know that he missed me.

I often wonder if I should act this way when I see those I love?

I guess I may need to work on that part.

I look at my wife with amazement. I see God’s beauty in her blue eyes and her long hair. I stare in wonder of the beautiful soul that she is. I am thankful for her personality.

I look at each one of my 5 girls and think to myself, I wonder what I do to let them know that they are God’s beautiful creation. Do I show them or tell them enough. I so appreciate all that they are.

Most of all, I am thankful for everyone who has influenced them along the way. I know I wasn’t their only teacher.

So as I think about all this, I wonder when I will notice Jesus?

Will it be when he breaks the bread in front of me?

Will it be when I least expect it? Or has it already happened and I was oblivious to his presence? I don’t know.

What I do know is that my life may be a total mess, but I will keep searching. I will continue to pray, go to church and work on being the church Jesus wanted us to be.

If you see me, I might remember your face and not your name. I might remember your name but not your face. But no matter what, we will be neighbors, we will love each other and share the Gospel in action.

May God’s blessing find you and may the love of his Son, Jesus Christ surround you.

Fr. Keith+